A Raging Battle

I started life out as the skinny girl in class. Everyone else was jealous of me – and let me know it. I could eat all weekend and lose weight. I had trouble finding clothes that fit, because so many things were just too big. I grew up, got married, started having babies. Then came the weight. Not much, mind you. A little at a time. Five pounds or so after each baby. Six babies later, and I entered the 160′s. (I know for some this would be a nice weight to achieve, but hear me out. I was 110 until I turned 17. I packed on a whopping 7 pounds of muscle, and stayed at that weight until my first baby.) Not only was I suffering from the physical side of carrying around forty extra pounds, but I was also battling depression.

So what’s a girl to do?

I started working on my weight four years ago. I’ve had success. So far I’ve lost about 22 pounds, and maintained. I even started running. I’m not done though.

But I’m stuck.

Starting this study, I’ve realized that this now has gone beyond physically making changes. And it’s not only about food. For me, I crave sleep. When I’m not medicated for depression, I want to sleep to hide from my life. When I am medicated, I still feel that way sometimes, but also have a wonderful side-effect that renders me sleepy and lacking energy almost constantly.

I need a change. A deep-down, God-breathed, everlasting, Holy change.

So it starts here. I want to learn to crave God beyond all else. Even with a diagnosis, I give up my excuses. I do not want to come to the end of my life, and know that there was the gift of freedom sitting there for me, and I had refused to reach out and take it into my hands. I am so thankful for Lysa, that she was willing to walk this journey and share the wisdom and truth that God has laid out to her. The book, this study, and the encouragement from other sisters is a promise of freedom. That freedom is within reach for me, and for you.

I’ve set goals before and achieved them. I’ve also set goals and failed. I’m not satisfied with failure any longer. I want God to consume me. It won’t do me any good to have a big cheer session, either. Our culture tells us to believe in ourselves and we can achieve anything we want. We are told that we DESERVE whatever it is we want (I most certainly do not DESERVE what He is offering me – being filled and consumed with Him – forever!). It tells us, if we say, “I CAN DO THIS!” louder, faster and more often, then we’ll get it! You know what? I can’t do this. My being in this study is proof. But here’s the great thing about it all. God doesn’t want ME to do this. He wants to do this IN me. My weakness shows His strength, and HE is glorified. There’s freedom just in the thought! And if freedom’s in the air, I’m in.

Are you in with me?

About BJ

I am a Christian wife and mom. My husband and I have six children and we live in rural Atlantic Canada. We live on a little farm that I have dubbed Willow Brook Farm, where we are adopting animals one-by-one, and I homeschool our six blessings. I enjoy reading, writing, music, and all things nesting. I aspire to one day be a great musician, a great gardener, and a great nester. I have a life full of people who are dear to me, but of course, the biggest shout-out goes to Jesus, who makes this life of mine possible.
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One Response to A Raging Battle

  1. Debbie K. - OBS FB Small Group Leader says:

    My favorite sentence – “I do not want to come to the end of my life, and know that there was the gift of freedom sitting there for me, and I had refused to reach out and take it into my hands.” I think that is key. Going through this study is showing me, too, that freedom is there for the taking through Christ, if we will just take it. Doesn’t mean it is going to be instant or easy, but it is available if we want it. Believing God for His grace upon you, and for supernatural healing from your depression.

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