BFS Assignment #100: Oh What A Feelingbeejayzgang | September 2nd, 2008 @ 8:57 am
My emotions as I begin to write this first assignment, and then in a few minutes will begin another year of teaching my children, are positive. They haven’t always been. I attended a private, church-run Christian school for eleven years of my schooling, and finished my final year at home. I knew before I found my husband that I wanted to homeschool. There wasn’t any other option for me. He wasn’t difficult to convince (thank you, Holy Spirit!), and so here we are. This doesn’t mean we’ve been without difficulty or struggles. I actually had my pastor’s wife plead with me to give it up (she had), that I would be overwhelmed and unable to manage. My feelings? Anger! Though initially I thought maybe she was right. But when I realized that she wasn’t, I was angry. I’ve been warned that it would be unwise to keep my autistic son home with me, that he wouldn’t progress well without the social interaction public school provides. I’ve been frustrated and discouraged, ready to throw in the towel. I have allowed the world’s definition of success, and particularly feminist ideals, to stir up discontentment, jealousy, and resentment. Last year I was in recovery from a c-section, kidney problems and also battling post-partum depression. I didn’t want to homeschool - I wanted to stay in bed!!! This is my fourth year of homeschooling, and I’m JUST getting my groove now. This is the first year I haven’t gone into the new school year wondering if I am doing the right thing, even dreading it. The thing is, I have struggled with a fear of man far too long. I’ve been receiving some counsel on other issues in my life, and have realized how much I have been affected by the opinions of others. This year, I have decided that I’ve had enough of that. My Lord has called me to have children (lots of them!), raise them in the admonishion and fear of Him, and to homeschool. I am gaining more and more confidence in this calling, and though many disagree and protest and nay-say, I will continue. My husband works in the public school sector, transporting special needs children, and though he was only public schooled, based on what he experienced and has seen of late, he wants none of it. He’s still learning about his role as a supportive father, but thanks to some teaching from Rick Boyer has come into a fuller understanding of his role as my husband and the father of these children as it pertains to homeschooling (I highly recommend the Boyers cd “The Hands-On Dad” if your husband is pro-homeschooling, but passively so.). This is the first year he’s made finances more readily available for me to invest in some quality products, books and curricula - thank you, Honey!!! My biggest goal for my children is that they learn to love the Lord with everything that they are, and to follow hard after Him. I want to see a strong faith develop in them that is from their own hearts, and not because Dad and Mom believe this. Academically, I want to see each pursue their strengths and interests - and I’m so excited to watch each one come into their own. I am excited and happy and content as we enter this new year. I want to learn more to have a meek, quiet, content, and joyful spirit. My heart has been torn in many directions, things that others have put on me, and now that I have, with the strength of Christ, shaken those things off, and walked away from them with purpose in my step, I am at peace.
Isaiah 30:15
For thus saith the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel; In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength: and ye would not.
P.S. I’ve tried to put a couple of pictures up of my kids - no pics of our school room right now! We had three weeks of sickness last month, and I did NOT get my school area organized. Anyway, my photos are not loading properly, so I will attempt to do so again soon.
Uncategorized
Kerri
said,
September 2, 2008 at 9:49 am
This is a very inspiring story. I have also struggled and still do with what people think of homeschooling and what I am doing. I am sorry you have had weeks of sicknes and I pray things will smooth out as you begin your school year.
Mrs.Kerri
BFS Teacher
Mrs. Nancy
said,
September 2, 2008 at 9:50 am
Hi BJ! I love reading your story! I love when you say, “I’m just now getting my groove” because that’s how I feel…my daughter is a high schooler, so I have to hurry my groove along.
Thank you,
Mrs. Nancy
BFS Teacher
Lesley
said,
September 2, 2008 at 10:06 am
Oh, I’m so glad you are finally at peace. I know how easy it can be to let what others think affect you. You have now opened up a whole new world of opportunities…not only in homeschooling but in your life! ((HUGS))
Nikki
said,
September 2, 2008 at 10:11 am
I enjoyed reading your post! ~ Nikki
said,
September 2, 2008 at 10:18 am
Just remember how long it took *us* to find our groove.
If you’re always learning and growing, then you’re never stagnant.
Jessica
said,
September 2, 2008 at 1:48 pm
It is a blessing to see that you are beginning your year with a feeling of encouragement. I pray that God will renew that in you each and every day this year.
Your BFS Classmate,
Jessica
Jean
said,
September 2, 2008 at 2:41 pm
What an inspirational post! I am so glad that you feel positive this year, and have found peace. Big Hugs!
ChezNous
said,
September 2, 2008 at 3:33 pm
I know the feeling about finding your groove - it took us a while too!
Thanks for sharing your story. Have a wonderful school year.
Jacqueline
said,
September 2, 2008 at 6:14 pm
I love your honesty! It’s so important for others to realize that it’s not all a bed of roses - there are difficult days and times when you question, and that’s okay. I’ve had my struggles too, especially when it comes to what others think, and I know I’ll have them again, but that’s okay. I’ll get through those times and hold on to the good times.
Michelle in GA
said,
September 3, 2008 at 1:05 am
As soon as I looked at your blog I felt at home. I love the look. You did a great job on your post.
Blessings,
Michelle
Melinda
said,
September 3, 2008 at 7:45 am
Thank you for writing such a heart felt story. I am shocked that a pastors wife would be against anyone homeschooling. It doesn’t matter how many children you have, or what disabilities they have. I had opposition from my inlaws when I first started. They thought it was completely wrong to take my son out of PS. But I always kept in the back of my mind that if I keep my faith in God and not in the world, that he would help me through it. And he did!
Have a great day!
Melinda - TheModestMomma
said,
September 3, 2008 at 9:55 am
“I actually had my pastor’s wife plead with me to give it up (she had), that I would be overwhelmed and unable to manage. ”
This says more about the pastor’s wife that it does about you or homeschooling.
I’m thinking she was either doing too much and projecting, and/or she also wanted you to free up your time to help out more in the church.
Kim
said,
September 3, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Isn’t God good?! It’s wonderful to read that inspite of so many struggles, obstacles — we pressed on towards the prize and have found that peace! I’ve read a few stories like this today……Praise the Lord!
PajamaMama
said,
September 3, 2008 at 8:01 pm
First of all, I love your blog title with the butterfly. I know what you mean…I was bound for many years by my concerns of man…what people thought, how things look, etc. Father has been working this out of me for the last 5 years…and I can say that I’m almost completely there. Once I realized his unfailing, complete and total love for ME, what man thinks of me fell by the wayside.
I enjoyed your very real and heartfelt post…
Jeannie
RebeccaC
said,
September 4, 2008 at 1:47 pm
***your blog is absolutely beautiful!***
It sounds like you and your husband are on the same page — that’s really the most important thing! It also sounds like your priorities are in order — also very important.
I believe God will be doing some great things in your homeschool this year! :^)
Blessings to you!
Sheri H
said,
September 5, 2008 at 12:48 pm
I really like reading your post and I like the look of your blog. Very nice. I am glad to hear things are off to a better start. Have a wonderful new school year!
Elaine
said,
September 6, 2008 at 2:12 pm
I’m glad that you are going into this year with more peace and confidence than in prior years. As for those who are trying to get you to travel a path you are not called by God to walk, pray for them as they are not His instruments. Pray that God would turn their words, their attitudes to more positive one.
I’ll be praying for you, BJ. (((((Hugs)))))