A Scenario To Considerbeejayzgang | January 8th, 2008 @ 12:43 pm
I’m curious about something.
Let’s say you had a friend. And you and this friend were best friends from first grade through to high school. Life took you and your friend in somewhat different directions, but you made an effort to stay in touch. You asked this friend to me your maid of honour, and she also was there to witness the birth of your first child. Then this friend began acting very strange. Avoiding you. Time went by and you got to the point where there was no contact. There was contact with people around you who had not been as close to this friend, but not with you. The friend moved several provinces away, and you were effectively written out of the script of her life. You heard of her every now and then, through other friends. Then you heard she was getting married. And you were not invited. And there were to be two weddings; one in her new home province, and one in yours. You know that several people you know and are still in contact with would be at the wedding. You’ve also just been excluded from the wedding of another once-close friend, who married the brother of the first friend. To whom your husband was fairly close at one point. What would you do?
Do you send a card or a gift? Do you email congratulations? Do you act like you didn’t know about either wedding? What does etiquette demand? Is it wrong to do nothing? And as a Christian, what is demanded of you? Do you swallow the hurt, and extend a written congratulations, and perhaps a gift to bless the marriage?
I’d really like to know what you think. Because I really don’t want to do anything, but if that’s wrong, I want to do the right thing.
And Rachael, you can’t answer. You know too much! 
Uncategorized
said,
January 8, 2008 at 2:00 pm
I think the *right* thing to do would be to send a card of heartfelt congratulations.
Dunno if I could though. It’d be hard (and I’d probably forget.)
Rachael
said,
January 8, 2008 at 3:50 pm
just wanted to say, I’m glad Im given permission not to answer as I really don’t know I’d be sure what to do either.
Rebecca
said,
January 8, 2008 at 5:11 pm
I think etiquette would say you don’t have to do anything - after all, you weren’t invited, you weren’t told by the parties involved, and you’ve been out of his/her life for awhile. So for etiquette’s sake, you’re off the hook. Follow your heart. If you can send a card with a true wish for the couple in your heart, then do so. But if it’s fraught with conflict and pain, then don’t. And if you’d only be sending something to see if you get a response, definitely don’t, because that’s passive-agressive leading right into manipulation. And I know a lot of manipulators, take my word for it. If you can honestly JUST send congratulations without another thought, get yourself to the card store today. No gift. Too much.
said,
January 9, 2008 at 2:11 am
If it were me, as tough as it would be to do so, I would let it go. If they haven’t told you about it, then they are not looking for your well wishes or your approval (ie. your congrats).
In regard to the hurt, our comfort is found in the fact/knowledge that price has already been paid for the hurt.
said,
January 9, 2008 at 9:39 am
Thanks for all the comments on this. The funny thing is, Ron, I don’t want to do anything, and so I thought maybe that was the easy way out. And yes, I’m finding that as long as I lay it down, the hurt from it detensifies, and I can walk in peace. I’m just not so great at not going back and picking it up again…
Amy
said,
January 9, 2008 at 11:53 pm
Thanks for you great suggestions today on my blog. You can be sure that I will checking out each of these.
As for the wedding.. Ouch. This must sting like the dickens! I think that you are required to do “nothing.” I would pray about it and for the bride and seek direction from the Father.
Michelle at Scribbit
said,
January 10, 2008 at 2:24 am
I don’t think it’s wrong to do nothing but if you’re happy for her, I’d contact her with congratulations–maybe even send a gift. Maybe there’s an innocent reason she’s lost contact or maybe she’s waiting for you and has hurt feelings herself. You could at least be absolutely innocent of any wrong doing to take the high road on the issue. Good luck–tough thing!
Elaine
said,
January 11, 2008 at 8:41 pm
I’m like you and would be very hurt and not liking to deal with the dilemma of what to do. If you have peace about not sending anything or acknowledging that you know what is happening then go that way. Before you react just pray and ask God to clearly show you what to do. He will.
If the bride or groom contacts you to let you know about the wedding the you should acknowledge the event.