We have three computers in our house.  Currently only one is working, and that’s after an hour working on it, to get it to work.  So my blogging and emailing has been less than sporadic. In sort of good news, Damara slept from 10:30 pm to 5:30 am two nights ago!  No crying it out or anything.  I nursed her to sleep, and cuddled with her on the couch for nearly an hour, then laid her down in her crib, fully expecting to just be settling into that comfy spot on my pillow.  She surprised me!  It didn’t happen again last night, but I’ve done this enough to know not to get premature in my excitement.  Anyway, both nights I didn’t sleep through, of course, but not really because of her.  I think she may have stayed asleep last night, at least longer than she did, but there were interruptions from her sister and the dog.  Lately, Copper has decided to conk out through the evening, and then spend the hours between midnight and when Greg gets up, waking us up every so often by jumping up with his front paws and smacking us.  Ouch!  We really don’t know what to do.  He seems so restless.  He used to sleep through the night too!  I guess it might as well happen all at once – baby and puppy – and hopefully we’ll get them both settled at night, and sleeping through.  Anyway, it was nice just to have some room to sleep – usually I’m perched on the edge of the bed with about six inches, while Damara takes up nearly two feet!  But if I move her or myself, she wakes up.  Anyhoo…thanks for all the comments.  I hope this computer issue works out soon – it’s power related on the laptop, the old laptop was replaced by the new one for the same reason….gah!  Irritating.  Cole turns EIGHT tomorrow.  No freaking way can I be old enough to have a child on the threshold of the double digits…..it’s just not possible!  How did it go so fast?  I don’t now how working moms handle it – at least I get to be with my kids all the time, and take in a lot.  But I was thinking about this the other day as I was cuddling Damara for the hundredth time – and because I wanted to, not because she was fussing for it.  I was feeling very sad for all the mommies and babies who spend most of their days apart.  I’m so thankful that I’m able (and encouraged by my husband) to be home with my children, and to homeschool.  Some days are hard – esp. this past year while recovering from baby and kidney stuff, and fighting PPD, but it is so worth it, and I wouldn’t be enticed away for anything.  This time is really precious to me.  Oh, and Andrea…your suggestion on catching up on sleep and eliminating outside activities, well we really are pretty much home all the time.  I do go out sometimes on Wed. afternoons, just because the kids and I are going squirrely, but other than that, we haven’t even been going to church for quite a while.  And I always wonder, how do other families do it?  All the extra-curricular stuff.  I have felt guilty for not getting my kids signed up for at least one thing, but I really don’t miss the stress of getting out the door.  They go to “Team Kid” (kind of like Awana) at their cousins’ church on Wednesday evenings, so we’re already out in the afternoon.  That makes one trip out of the house a week.  And usually one evening or maybe Sat. to get groceries with Daddy.  I’d nap if I could, but with Greg gone so many hours through the day, it’s usually dinner time when he gets home, then bedtime for the kids, and too close to bedtime for me to nap.  Besides, Damara is just starting to be okay hanging out with Daddy.  She thinks he awesome, and gets excited when he comes home, but she wants Mommy in the evenings.  Daddy’s got hairy boo-bies!  lol! And three years….that’s what I’m afraid of!

I’m sorry.  I’m a bit of a restless personality.  So the look here changes from time to time.  Some blogs I visit very seldom change.  Or only change little bits for special occasions.  But I get bored easily.  Just so you know.

This is what I started to type as a response to Alicia’s comment on the last post on our sleeping issues, but it got so long, I decided to just post it here. 

So far, we’ve mostly co-slept.  I am a huge advocate of co-sleeping.  But I admit to being tired of it.  I’m not a die-hard co-sleeper.  Nine months is my max.  Cole was with us until he was that age.  After that, the others got kicked out earlier. 

I feel like I’ve been co-sleeping for 8 yrs. straight.  There have been a few months in between, but for the most part, my babies are with me until they sleep through the night, which is pretty much when I get fed up with a third body in our bed, and make them cry it out.  Damara wakes up, nurses, goes to sleep, loses her latch, sleeps about an hour, then we repeat. 

A proper sleep cycle is two hours, and if you interrupt that, it’s like you’ve never slept.  So technically, I haven’t slept for eight months.  I suppose that’s stretching it, but that’s what it feels like. 

There would be no issue if we had a fourth bedroom.  I would just try crying it out, but because she’s sharing with Eliana, she would just wake up Ellie.  I don’t want her in a portable or even in another room, because that just adds to the confusion – hubby actually suggested the same thing.  I want her to learn to sleep in her bed, in her room.  It’s kind of defeating the purpose to teach her to sleep well in a different bed and room than the one she’s going to be in for the long run. 

We’ve also thought about bringing Eliana’s mattress to our room for a few nights with Damara in their bedroom, until Damara settles down.  Right now, though, I’m still bringing her to bed.  There really is no other option right now as far as I can see.  Oh, well, I really hate the cry it out approach anyway. 

Here is why I’m feeling frustrated about sleeping/not sleeping. 

#1: I find it hard to be on a decent schedule for getting up, homeschooling, etc, because I’m so tired.  (I’m also sad because she’s growing up too fast.  So the sleeping issue isn’t nearly what it was with the first few babies, because I know how quickly it will be over.)  I really have a solid idea in my head about how I want homeschooling to work in our household.  It means having certain things done, so I can concentrate on schooling and reading and playing with the children.

#2: Because Greg is up early – he has to leave the house by six – I would really like to be on his schedule.    It would give Greg and I time to connect in the morning, eat breakfast together, and I could see him out the door.  I’m not the kind of wife that feels I HAVE to make him a huge breakfast before he leaves, and have an awesome lunch packed for him.  But it would be nice if I could offer these things to him, especially where he’s gone til six at night.  I need time with my best friend!  And not to be crude, but it is really hard to find a chance to be intimate.  It’s getting old for that reason alone. 

#3:  I am a morning person when I am getting appropriate amounts of sleep.  This translates directly to productivity.   When I am up early, I get so much more done, than getting up later, and staying up later in the evening.  Also, I could actually do some devotions, exercise, shower and GET DRESSED! 

#4:  My health.  I am really struggling with my weight.  Lack of sleep contributes to weight gain.  Between being on medication, having either no time or energy to exercise, and lots of stress over the last year, I don’t have much going for me in my battle to lose some weight.  When I’m too tired, I don’t have the motivation to exercise, and I eat poorly, because I make quick, easy meals.  Which means I’m likely eating mostly, if not all, carbs.  I have had several rounds of colds and flus this fall and winter already, and I know generally I’m run down, out of shape, and overweight.  It’s weird to say it, because for so long I was the opposite – I’d TRY to gain weight.   

I know 5 am sounds insane, but when we are on that kind of a schedule, nights are early as well (8:30-9).  And the general mood of the household is much better.  The kids would still be getting up between 6:30 and 7, so that would give me upwards of two hours of my own time.  Tagging two hours on the end of my day is pointless.  So instead of staying up later at night, I’d PREFER to be getting up earlier. 

I know this stage will be over before I know it, and I’m already grieving having to close this chapter of my life (unless God has other plans of course!).  But I also struggle with the guilt of feeling like Cole especially has been just along for the ride since having siblings.  I know he’s the only one that had me to himself, but I have not done a lot of the things I’ve wanted to do with him, and the rest as they’ve joined our family, because my energy is drained, and the basics barely get done, let alone extras.   

So, please just pray for my sweet baby, that she will be able to settle down, and sleep well at night.  I can’t survive on five hours a night much longer.  And I’m sure that it’s not helping me to recover from my PPD, either. 

One thing about Damara, though…she is quite possibly the happiest little person I’ve ever seen.  I’ve had fairly content babies when they are starting to approach the one year mark, and becoming more mobile, but this one….it’s not just contentment.  She has complete and utter JOY.  And truly, I love her like crazy!!!

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We’re having technical difficulties here at Camp Edwards, so I’ve had very limited internet access. 

I’m still not getting sleep.  We were blessed with the necessary mattresses needed by our children, and so we’ve moved Ellie into a twin bed, and Damara is technically in the crib.  Except that she’s not.  She never sleeps more than two hours, but even that is rare.  I should know how to deal with this by now, you would think, but I’ve done nothing different with any of my children, and they’ve all slept this way, except Luke and Ellie.  Eliana was a really easy baby, the kind I’d always heard about and thought were non-existant.  Slept wonderfully.  Damara is not fussy like Brett was; he was the kind of baby that wouldn’t stop crying for anything.  Cried for six months straight, that one.  Gradually calmed down, and by nine months was a REALLY happy guy.  Damara is happy.  And only had a few months of sporadic fussiness.  But this girl does not sleep!  I don’t know how she does it!  I’m exhausted.  I don’t know what to do.  She’s been crawling OUT of her car seat since four months.  Has been mobile since three months (rolling around), and actually had a couple of tumbles off of our bed.  We haven’t been able to use our sweet, little cradle since then.  Ellie used it quite a while, but it would have been unsafe for Damara.  She is my earliest developer by far.  And so, my options for where she can sleep have been limited.  Now that we have the crib up, we’re laying her down in it.  But she is a light sleeper and Eliana’s noise can be an interruption.  Normally at this age I have let my babies that were poor sleepers cry it out, though I really dislike every minute of it.  I have not found any other options.  But because Eliana and Damara share a room, I cannot do that with her.  I really don’t know what to do.  I am getting desperate.  I need sleep.  She needs sleep.  Homeschooling is suffering.  The house is suffering.  And my health has been poor.  What can I do???  Any suggestions from anyone???

So after my last post, my computer refused to take a charge, or recognize it was plugged in, and quit working.  Tonight, Luke noticed the lights were on indicating it was working.  So I check it, and sure enough.  We’ve tried several things, and nothing worked, but now it’s working.

Anyway, I go into my e-mail, and my eyes zero in on the twelfth message down.  It is from the friend that the last post was about.  I.AM.SERIOUS.  My mind is absolutely spinning!  She wrote a very heartfelt letter, that shows a major change in her, and such a maturity.  I’m going to absorb it for a while before I respond.  I did send her a response acknowledging I’ve received it.

So I guess this changes a few things….I’ll probably be buying a card after all.  Who knew she’d be the one to solve that problem?

And just so you know, this post was about her.

I’m curious about something.

Let’s say you had a friend.  And you and this friend were best friends from first grade through to high school.  Life took you and your friend in somewhat different directions, but you made an effort to stay in touch.  You asked this friend to me your maid of honour, and she also was there to witness the birth of your first child.  Then this friend began acting very strange.  Avoiding you.  Time went by and you got to the point where there was no contact.  There was contact with people around you who had not been as close to this friend, but not with you.  The friend moved several provinces away, and you were effectively written out of the script of her life.  You heard of her every now and then, through other friends.  Then you heard she was getting married.  And you were not invited.  And there were to be two weddings; one in her new home province, and one in yours.  You know that several people you know and are still in contact with would be at the wedding.  You’ve also just been excluded from the wedding of another once-close friend, who married the brother of the first friend.  To whom your husband was fairly close at one point.  What would you do? 

Do you send a card or a gift?  Do you email congratulations?  Do you act like you didn’t know about either wedding?  What does etiquette demand?  Is it wrong to do nothing?  And as a Christian, what is demanded of you?  Do you swallow the hurt, and extend a written congratulations, and perhaps a gift to bless the marriage? 

I’d really like to know what you think.  Because I really don’t want to do anything, but if that’s wrong, I want to do the right thing. 

And Rachael, you can’t answer.  You know too much!