I would tell you that I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry that I didn’t live up to the expectations you had in me. I’m sorry for letting you down. I’m sorry for pushing too far. For needing too much.

I’m sorry I crossed the line. I’m sorry I’m missing out on you. I’m sorry you’re missing out on me. I’m sorry that life has torn us apart. I’m sorry for not fighting harder to keep us close.

I’m sorry for my anger when I hear your name. I’m sorry that I struggle to understand you. And to forgive you.

I’m sorry that I can’t make myself get in contact. I’m sorry that I don’t have it in me to just see if you’re ok. I’m sorry that I’m just hoping I’ll hear through the grapevine about what life is bringing you.

I’m sorry that I’ve judged you. And even at times wanted to hear that you’re miserable. I’m sorry that my envy at your “freedom” keeps me from being a true friend in spite of our distance; that it keeps me from being happy for you. I’m sorry that I resent you so much for not sharing in my joy; for not being happy for me.

I’m sorry that I’ve misrepresented myself to you. And that I allowed you to misrepresent yourself to me. I’m sorry for the expectation I put on you to be someone for me that you could not be.

I’m sorry for holding on so tightly.

So be free. Fly high. But should you ever fall, I pray that once again you know I’m here, ready to fall into His grace with you. With His grace to hold us both, maybe we can truly forgive.