I can blow up 20+ balloons, tie ribbon on them, put half of them up, put up streamers, wrap four gifts, and ice 48 cupcakes in less than an hour!

We’ve had such a wonderful two years being your Mama and Daddy. We love you more than words can say!

Although my husband doesn’t read my blog, I feel a need to tell him how much I love him right now. He is awesome - even though he’s old…ha, ha. Not really, just considerably older than I. He is an amazing man, and I love thinking about the life we’ve had together so far, where we’re at now, and what will come our way in the future. We celebrated tonight with his parents, and another elderly couple, Winnie & Claude Kierstead. We had his favorite - and traditional - birthday meal. BBQ-d steak, baked potatoes, and salad. Dessert was Black Forest Cake, compliments of his mom. I have made it once or twice, but she so enjoys doing it, that as much as I want to do it, I figured now’s her chance. She won’t always be around, and I can’t take the enjoyment away from her. So to celebrate this amazing man, and eat this delicious cake, we ate on the only plates appropriate for the event - party plates with images of Mr. Incredible!

Happy Birthday, Greg!

“Yuds,” “Zeens,” and “Ya-Ya’s:” what Luke calls the different power line towers.

“Ellie Button:” what Ellie calls her belly button.

“Aimlian Tire money:” what Brett calls his collection of Canadian Tire money.

“It feels like dough!”: said while Cole was kneading my stomach. Thanks, Cole.

It is such a wonderful feeling: fresh berries for strawberry shortcake, more in the freezer, my kitchen re-organized and cleaned from top to bottom, line-dried laundry…these things all add up to that amazing feeling. That feeling where you just want to kick up your feet, look around you, and smile. Looking at all you’ve accomplished, you realize you’ve used your hours and days well, and it makes you want to sigh one of those sighs that tells the world you feel completely, one hundred per-cent SATISFIED.

I wonder if God felt this way on Day 7?

I wrote this shortly after my second hospitalization, after Damara was born.

I have always had a tendency to need to know “why”. I suppose it’s in all of us, but for some reason, this question dogs me undeterred. I try to rest in peace, knowing that God is in control, but then those three letters creep up on me again, and I find myself once again in the throes of a wrestling match between me and peace, me and questions, and sometimes, me and God.

I “know” God is in control, but the real hard-core truth of that eludes me. When I was in the hospital, I can’t say that I walked through it all in peace, with a sense that this was for my good. I’d like to say that was true, but unfortunately if that was the test this time, I failed miserably.

I do not believe God was punishing me. That is something I’ve never believed. I know sin has consequences, but illness is not something I’ve ever seen as chastisement, though there are those who do actually believe so.

What I do believe is that there are lessons to be learned in every situation we face. And so we come back to “why”. Notice I’m not saying “why me”. Why not me? Why should any other new mom in the maternity ward have gone through the various circumstances over the past few weeks, and not me. I’m ok that it was me. But for what purpose?

I have long dreaded the thought of being a disappointment to anyone. But in particular to God. And I wonder if this isn’t the very thing that drives me to ask why so often. Perhaps this is my way of analyzing my actions, thoughts, words, etc. to make sure that in everything I say and do, I am not a disappointment to Him.

I am not a martyr. I would gladly have not gone through those days of pain and illness, avoiding the section and a baby in NICU. In the natural, there was nothing to be gained by doing so. However, I cannot believe that it’s all a total loss in my growth as an individual, and particularly, spiritually.

I will always ask why I suppose. And I think I’ll be ok with asking why and getting no immediate answers. It’s just who I am. As long as I can always return to a place of my eyes fixed on Jesus, I think He’s ok with me asking why, too.

Maybe one day I’ll finally come to a stop. A place where I truly know He is in control, and that’s all I need to know. I don’t expect this to be of completion until Heaven, but maybe, just a bit every day, I can continue to just let it all go.

Today, the children and I got up earlier than we have been lately, and by 9:30 were in a berry field with Dawn and her kids. We had fun, the picking was awesome and fast, and I came home with TWO FLATS! of berries. Anissa came by for a visit this afternoon, and she helped me hull the berries - except six boxes we’ll keep for fresh - and they are all in the freezer. What a satisfying feeling!

I have been reorganizing my kitchen as well. I started yesterday and am mostly done, with an occasional tweaking. My goal for the summer is to get my problem areas tackled and organized, so that by fall, and the start of school, I won’t be constantly distracted by all the things that need to be done. Bottom line, I think, in many households is that there is too much stuff. Oh sure, it’s stuff too valuable to just toss in the trash, but it’s not things we use regularly, if at all. I grew up in a family of pack-rats - correction - pack-capybaras (largest rodent known to man), so I’ve had to learn to give things away, throw things away, etc. I am becoming a rather accomplished purger. And I admit, it feels GOOD!!!

Little by little, I know I can get this house to a place that demands less of me, so I can truly invest my time in my kids. No more putting off sitting down for a cuddle session with a little boy and a book because I’ve “got too much to do.” The less you have, the less you have to take care of. Sounds good to me.

I had a dr’s appointment today. This is just one of about 7 appointments in the first two post-partum months. Yay for me. Anyway, this one was with Dr. Adam, my ob-gyn. All is well. He’s really such a great doctor, and I am very grateful for the care I’ve received under him.

I am feeling really good. I’m starting to get a fairly length mental to-do list, and don’t know where to start. I am still on call to nurse MANY times a day, so right now, all of my projects are just thoughts. I spend my days thinking about it all, because it’s hard to nurse and clean, or paint, or sew. Ok, well it’s hard to nurse and do much but think! I am not chomping at the bit for Damara to “hurry up and learn to be content”, because this is most likely our last baby, unless God intervenes otherwise (which I’m so totally not opposed to ), so I content myself with thinking through my plans several times whilst holding my precious growing-to-fast daughter. I have some household projects that I need to complete, others that I could put off indefinitely. Some of the items that I’m considering have actually caught me by surprise, as they aren’t particularly activities that I have considered myself much interested in before now, or haven’t had to time to even consider whether I would be interested. Fun hobbies, things I’ve dabbled into in the past, home improvements…it’s all floating around in my brain. Waiting until I have the gift of time. I used to say “If I can’t take the time, I must make the time.” This all connects with homeschooling as well. I know that this year, and for many years following, my busyness with the kids schooling will increase. But that doesn’t mean my need or desire for these projects will disappear. I have to be more deliberate in saving some time in my day or week to indulge.

And one other thing that I definitely want to, and NEED to, improve on taking - or making - time for, is a quiet time with my Saviour every day. I have often struggled with this, and want to do better. I need it so badly. I know I am doing what I’m called to, but it is a calling that requires a lot from me, and the only way I’ll be able to do this with all my heart, soul, mind, body and strength is to throw myself into God, and draw the things I need from His character. I can’t do it on my own. And that’s what I say to those who ask “How do you do it?”

It’s nice to be well enough to even think ahead like this. For a while, all I wanted to do was go into my room, close the door, and crawl under the covers….forever. I truly didn’t know when - or if - I’d feel normal again. And not just physically. Emotionally I was done in as well. Mentally I couldn’t process anything beyond that very moment I was in, and when, oh when, was I going to get my next nap. So it is a wonderful thing to feel well again. And not just well, but deeply, joyously alive! I have survived in my entire being, the most physically challenging experience of my life, and I am filled with a thankfulness to God for the blessings - and Blessings - in my life.

If you are still checking in to see my so-called updates and new entries, I admire you! I’m hoping to get back into more regular posting. I have as yet to get some pictures of all of us, but especially the Baby.

We’re doing well. I feel mostly recovered, and Damara is maintaining her rolls of baby fat quite nicely. It’s hard to believe she’s seven weeks old today! I think my kidney issues are over, though I still have to have a follow-up appointment with Dr. Feero (urologist).

Ellie will be two at the end of the month (29th). She’s such a cutie pie, and I can’t believe how quickly time has flown with her. She’s definitely a full-fledged toddler now. She holds her own with the boys, and is learning to talk more each day. The boys have a hoot teaching her silly words to say.

Greg and Luke also celebrate summer birthdays, so we’ll be very festive around here until the end of August, as we also celebrate our civic holiday (New Brunswick Day) in a couple of weeks.

Weather patterns are consistent with the past couple of years - we’ve had a rather cool start to summer. Disappointing as the summer is short-lived enough. However, the children are already well-tanned, and enjoying the water, cool as it is. Greg has even ventured out some on the wind-surfer. We’ve been boating as well, and I must say it’s awfully nice to just be together, and feel healthy!

We’ve also been enjoying having my brother and his family close by. He has recently graduated from Veterinary College, and is doing a six-month contract with our provincial agricultural department. We are hoping he’ll have a long-term contract after that, and we’ll be able to have the cousins nearby while they are growing up. But we are also very aware that there may be better opportunities in other locations. It is, of course, all up to God, but if I had my way….

Well, that’s about it for now. If I haven’t lost all of you by now, that’s great. If I have, well, I’ll have a nice record to look back on and remember this time by.