As someone who has had a “run-in” with Social Services over something that my parents were much more lax about than I’ll ever be, I so appreciate the viewpoint of this article. I remember doing so many things as a child that I have a hard time allowing my own children to do. I heard one speaker once describing what is now known as “ecophobia” - fear of the outdoors. How sad! There are times in history that we have made changes that were for the better. But sometimes we do things that are not as progressive and healthy and wonderful as we think. I believe in taking care and being a good steward of body, soul and spirit, of ourselves and those in our care. But inducing a life-long fear of so many things is definitely wrong, and not proper stewardship. Something to think about.

And maybe I won’t be so overcome with guilt that I didn’t make my kids wear their lifejackets last year. We live right next to a river, but our beach is shallow, our kids are timid, and the most they did was wading up to their thighs. Of course they are not allowed to swim unattended. Plus a good portion of their time at the beach was in the sand.

What do you think?

If you think of it, please say a prayer for my aunt (one of the bestest in the whole world if you ask me!). Tomorrow is a pretty intense day for her. Thinking of you, Andrea!

I don’t know if it’s just the time of year, or the fact that I’m pregnant, or that I have four children at home 24-7, or perhaps some of the emotional upheaval of the past weeks and months…I just know I’m feeling overwhelmed. I can’t change any of the circumstances surrounding me (well, those who are opposed or at least less supportive of homeschooling would protest that, yes, you could! You could make it so much easier on yourself! Stop homeschooling!), but I have come to a rather sudden conclusion. One which I have come to many times in my life, and often it would seem I forget. I CAN change my attitude. I can choose to live my life today with the attitude that life IS beautiful. In spite not enough sleep, three kids with runny noses, and one with an ear infection, I have a beautiful life. In spite of my inner turmoil, the constant thinking about issues, the struggle to forgive, I have a beautiful life. In spite of a sink full of dishes, more laundry than I know what to do with, and the never ending demand for food, life is beautiful. Lord, help me focus today on just that: my life is beautiful. Thank you for my life!

I need more energy. I have not hit the moment in pregnancy yet where you have to be in constant motion, puttering away at every corner of the house. My mind is there. Just not my body. I’d much rather lay around all day. I feel bad for the kids - they are so patient with my lack of motion. I do NEED to get a lot done around here. I have approximately two months left, based on my previous gestations, so I technically should be able to finish all of my projects, and then some. Pray for me!

I actually don’t feel too bad. Dad called this morning to apologize for the things he said to me. I appreciate that, and was surprised. Of course I will not hold the harshness against him. What concerns me is that he insists it’s out of frustration that he says things, and that they “really aren’t issues.” Which really means he’s avoiding, denying, and otherwise sweeping under the carpet issues that likely are the reason he’s lived most of his adult life in such dysfunction. I wish he could see that. Most everyone has issues that started in childhood. I know for me my deepest insecurities can be traced back to a hurtful event when I was young. I’m not being dramatic - it’s a fact that most counsellors and psychologists point out.

I just wish he would take some time - more than a couple of months - and work at becoming whole, with or without a woman in his life.

For those of you who know me, please tell me if I’m ungrateful for things you do and say for and to me. I’ve had this accusation thrown at me more times than I care to remember, and it’s a lie (I hope) that I’m battling right now. Also, if we are having conversations, and you feel I’m not listening, and interrupting you and only interested in hearing myself talk, please tell me.

I met with Dad last night. I was very honest. I tried to be honest with love and humility. Apparently it didn’t come across that way. He was, quite bluntly, brutal. I’ve never had my dad respond to me in that manner. Of course I’ve been rehearsing our conversation over and over in my head, picking it apart piece by piece, word by word. Wondering if I said words with wrong motives and attitudes, thinking that maybe if I hadn’t said this, or maybe said that differently, his response would have been softer.

But I know. I know that he’s wrong. I know he knows he’s wrong. But unwilling to do the right thing. He says he’s not living with her. He won’t answer whether they are sleeping together, because he’s offended I would ask him that. He would dream of asking his parents that.

It was all about how I have know idea what he’s been through. He goes in circles with expressing self-pity, resentful of things, people and circumstances, unwilling to take responsibility for what choices he has made, accusing Michael and I of being ungrateful for the sacrifice he made at age 23 by taking full custody of us, instead of allowing us to go with Mom, but denying that’s what he meant when he expressed that though….on and on and on. Bottom line, it comes down to him. He’s misunderstood. He’s judged. He’s not everyone else walking the right road. He can’t cope (with what???). He refuses to see that reconciliation, or remaining in a place of willingness to be reconciled, with Dawn is the required and only option right now. He feels if he should be reconciling with anyone, it would be Carol.

It’s heartbreaking. He hurt me with several things he said, for sure. But mostly to watch him continue down this road of self-destruct…to be unwilling to admit his failures with humility. It’s ok for him to say he has not one positive memory from childhood, but when I express disappointment and hurt over how his actions hurt me, I’m ungrateful. It is absolutely incredible in a negative way, to see how much he has changed in such a short time. He was so beautifully broken before God in the fall….he is so hardened now.

I’m exhausted. And emotional. And stunned.

God, more than ever, I need GRACE.

Well, it is official. Kelly and her daughter are living with Dad. I am feeling many negative emotions right now, as well as struggling with much carnal thought. I think I’ll hold off expressing everything I’m thinking and feeling, until I’ve processed. I suspected they were, or at least wondered if they were, but to actually know it as a fact, it hit hard.

Updated to add: Apparently we aren’t sure where she’s living. In some ways it doesn’t matter, I suppose. In others it matters a lot. I guess it depends on what your beliefs and convictions about marriage and adultery are. Anyway, to set the record straight, we aren’t sure what’s happening. It’s just not working up to a good result.

Well, after four and a half years of asking for an armoire to house our tv and dvd player (which for those who don’t know the math wouldn’t realize that’s precisely when Luke became mobile!), we finally got one! It is gorgeous! We’ve had lots of debate over what color, style, price, etc. We finally settled on one - well I settled on it when I saw it months ago at Ole Cranberry Cottage in the Regent Mall.

We picked it up last night, and I LOVE IT! Is it ok to say that? I guess because it’s an object technically I don’t love it, but I sure do have a great appreciation for the beauty of the artisanship! We also got a new rug. It is a jute rug, from Wicker Emporium. I’m still not sure we got the correct size, but I know we will be able to use it elsewhere if we decide to get the larger one in the future. Our old one was a dark cranberry color with taupe, greens, blue, and other colors in a pretty large botanical print. But because it was dark, it showed every speck. Greg has been wanting to get a different one for ages. We paid quite a lot for the red one a year and a half ago, so it’s hard to put it in storage, but it wasn’t my wisest home decor purchase. I think it should work ok in our bedroom when it’s painted, although I haven’t yet checked to see the dimensions of the room in comparison to the rug - will it fit? It does give me a little more direction with the decor of that bedroom though. If it won’t work in there, I’m not sure what we’ll do with it. I guess try to sell it.

So here are before and after pictures. Too bad I can’t post the wonderful pine smell of the armoire as well!

So now of course I want to get on all my other projects. The room is seriously lacking in accessories, so window treatments, toss pillows, side and coffee tables, and knickknacks are next on the list. We are less is more people, but we do enjoy a few thoughtful additions or collections to a room. I’m thinking a nice full plant or dried flowers in a short and wide arrangement on top of the armoire would look nice. I will probably just do a window topper for the treatment as we have a beautiful view and don’t want to take away from that.

I also want to paint the room. It is open concept, so it can’t be anything crazy. This entire house is off-white, and I am a color girl. But I do think it needs to be a soft, subtle color. We painted our living room in the mobile a beautiful soft buttery-cream color. It’s from Color Your World, and it’s called Coastlight. I think it would look great here. I do have some great lines in the kitchen where I can do a couple of accent walls in a brighter, golden yellow. I tried to find a sample photo of Coastlight, but I can’t find one. It’s in the off-white brochure, if you happen to be near a Color Your World, and are looking for inspiration!

When I got up this morning, I was quite disoriented. It seems staying at Sharon’s house for two hours AFTER house church was finished, and I was supposedly dropping her off makes for some quality drowsiness the next am. The first thing I noticed is how WARM the house feels. We’re getting the strength of the sun full-force in our living room again. We always awaken to the sun shining in (when it’s not cloudy of course) our living room, but it has that determined heat to it now. It actually makes my furniture heat up, and casts off an odor, similar to what I imagine we would smell were the upholstery actually burning. I checked the thermometer outside my kitchen window. It read 20 deg! I’m thinking this has more to do with said determined heat of the sun shining directly on it. So, once the sun is no longer directly shining on it, I’m sure it will not be showing 20 deg. However, if the weather decided it wanted to become that warm for the remainder of the spring, I will issue no complaints.

Welcome back, Warmth!

I’m confused. Cole and I were doing up our “Melissa & Doug” wooden calendar for March. I checked to see what the first day of spring was this year. The information I got was March 20. But most everyone is saying it was yesterday, the 21st! So I did some web searching, and I’m still getting two answers.

So I’m sticking with the 20th. Because it was such a weird day weather-wise, it makes a much more interesting “first day of spring” story.