Freedom Files

How is it possibly March? Further to that thought, someone said something to me today, referring to something twenty years ago. I’m thinking circa 1970-1980. Twenty years ago was 1992. I was 15. Seriously. I just shake my head.

Speaking of my head…I have sooo many things that swarm through it in the run of a day or week; things I want to say, do, write, sing, make. So many things that never, ever get said, done, written, sung, or made. I have not enough time, and so many other things that are more urgent. Throw in the occasional bout of flu or colds, or other such afflictions as folliculitis (staph infection – yes, that one was me), and it just seems that I will always been in a frantic, frenzied, more-work-to-do-than-hours-in-the-day state of being. Sometimes I am so frustrated by this. Other times it seems I have accepted this as being what it is during this stage of my life. However, there is always a longing to have a bit more time for other pursuits, the just-because kinds of things.

I am involved in one “extra-curricular” activity right now. This is completely separate from my role as wife, mom, teacher. I am involved in an upcoming production of “Anne of Green Gables”. I am playing the role of Mrs. Elvira Barry, Diana’s mother. It’s such a fun role, as every other character I’ve been has been “good” or nice. Not that I want to be evil, but it’s kind of fun to step outside of a personality that is so similar to mine, and be a snob! And it’s a great way to be just me for a few hours. My family is, thankfully, so supportive, and excited for me.

I’ve never been the best housekeeper, struggling with staying on top of the stuff. I’ve finally had it with stuff! I come a long line of pack rats (and had one grandparent who would rummage through garbage that his son had put out, only to drag some of it back to the house – including empty dog food bags!). So this month, stuff in my house, LOOK OUT! If you’re not useful or beautiful, bye-bye. I’m done with you!

I feel spring in the air, and I’m looking forward to the next few months. I believe that once I get dug out from the things (a good portion of which are my in-laws, that they left here when they moved out. I understand them not wanting to deal with it, but gee, I didn’t really want to have to deal with it, either! Pray for me to have a good attitude over this point.), and we’re finally free to begin decorating this home in a way that speaks of us, that it will feel real that this is ours. It hasn’t quite felt that way yet. I’ve been feeling a bit more like an intruder, kind of afraid to peel wall-paper or paint over anything, or even to give away the ugly lamp in the den. I’m grateful for the space, so excited for the potential here, but I am ready for it to be OURS in every way.

Come on, Spring! I’m ready for new life!

While I am not Catholic, and do not believe in praying to Mary, I do believe mankind owes her a huge debt of gratitude for taking on the weight of bearing the Son of God. The world has never been the same, because of a young Jewish girl’s sacrifice. Thank you, Mary. We’ll never be the same.

Whenever I actually sit down to update ye olde blog, I think how much I want to and enjoy doing so. After I’ve hit publish and am content with whatever information I’ve recorded, so that I can return some time in the future and read it again, or to update family or friends on life with us, I think, that was so enjoyable, I’m going to do this more often.

Or not.

I have good intentions. When I was in my late teens/early twenties, I faithfully journaled. You know, by hand. With a pen…and paper! But somewhere along the way, I fell off the wagon, and haven’t been able to stay on it consistently ever since.

Christmas is a coming, and shortly after, New Year. I’ve never been one for New Year’s Resolutions, but perhaps if I challenge myself to write more, it might happen. Maybe not every day. Maybe just two or three times a week.

I love to write. Probably not passionately. Not like other bloggers. Not nearly as eloquently. Not nearly as thoroughly. But I do enjoy putting words down.

In the meantime, CHRISTMAS IS COMING!!! And again, though I was determined to not be last minute, I know I will be again. It’s just the way the finances work out for us. I would LOVE to one year actually do all my shopping online. Sadly, I’m running out of time. So I will likely be running around like crazy on Christmas week pulling it all together.

I am playing a part in “The Rented Christmas”. Tomorrow is rehearsal day. The first in a stretch of a whole week of rehearsals, followed by two performances. I’m enjoying it immensely, but am looking forward to that commitment being done with for now.

I’m also preparing for my dearest friend to arrive for a short visit from the middle of Canada. It’s never long enough, but I’m getting pretty excited about being able to spend even a little bit of time with her.

Should be doing some cleaning tonight, but have been having a very weird set of symptoms in my stomach/body the past 24 or so hours, so I’m taking it easy tonight.

That’s all for now.

I keep thinking when I’ve got a minute, I’m going to update my blog. And then I don’t. So now I am.

I have actually plans for this blog of mine. But it takes time to get it all going, and I feel like until I get some things sorted out, that writing isn’t going to happen.

I am currently in rehearsal once a week for a Christmas play that is coming up in November. My husband & I have both agreed that when Mama gets out of the house for a few hours each week, the whole family benefits. So for this season, I have chosen to engage in theatre arts, which I love.

After Christmas and New Year’s are tucked away for another year, I will likely just be finding a quiet place to go and read, or meeting up with one friend or another, or maybe even just window shopping, or looking for cheap items to help decorate our home. Still mulling over what changes I want to make here, and things such as colours and textures and furniture occupy some square footage of my brain. I find it hard to think about these things, and get them down on paper, with the six young ones running about.

I also want to start writing music again. There is a strong possibility that some time in the next one to two years, I will be heading southward to a city that will remain nameless at the moment, for some quality time in a recording studio. I happen to have a pastor who is a former music producer – and will be my producer when the time comes – and has lots of connections. My husband seems more excited about all of this than me at the moment, mostly because I find it too fantastic to believe. In light of this possibility, I need to come up with a song list of sorts, and I believe the preference is as many songs as I can write, rather than someone else’s songs. Not that someone else’s aren’t going to make it, either. I think they just want the majority to be mine.

So I step forth into this with humility and the good kind of trepidation. I find myself feeling so unworthy of a gift as beautiful as music, and though I actually don’t get to indulge in listening to music, or even writing more of my own, nearly as often as I would like to, it is surely a passion of mine. I’m very much looking forward to putting pen to paper again, and seeing what words God gives me to sing. I know that this gift isn’t for me, and I know that even as a busy mom, I am called to use it.

* schooled the kids
* took the newly-minted one-year-old for her shots and check-up. She’s small. She’s gaining weight VERY slowly. I am not worried, as most of her siblings followed the same pattern.
* came home and tried to make some sense of my kitchen
* made a fall-ish wreathe for my front door
* finally waded through my email account, and have everything up-to-date now – all unnecessary stuff is gone, and the ones I want saved are nicely “foldered.”
* signed up for (in)RL 2012. If you want to know more, check it out at (in)courage.com

Happy 1st birthday to our sweet Hadassah Joy! I cannot believe a year has gone by so swiftly. While it’s bittersweet for you to hit this milestone, we are so excited for you. It’s fun watching you become the person God made you to be! We love your crinkled-nose smile, and how excited you are to be part of Daddy’s welcome home committee – “Da-da-da-da!!!” Love you so much, BabyGirl! xoxo

It has been a long time since I’ve posted, but I have a raw, deep topic percolating that needs to be written out for my own brain’s sake.

I don’t know what to think about this particular topic that seems to be resurfacing in my life lately on a rather regular, persistant basis.

Homosexuality.

There have been a couple of ladies on blogs I follow, who have recently stated things about how they believe regarding this issue, and they are dedicated Christians. They are also very much not thinking the way most of us do on the topic. I disagree with them. But I’m not sure how to verbalize what I believe and why I believe it.

I find myself somewhat shaken by it all. I still believe it’s wrong. I don’t feel saying it’s wrong is being judgmental. No more than one is being judgmental by saying it’s wrong to murder. As a Bible-believing Christian, I believe that God has made it very clear that there are many ways that we have perverted His creation. Homosexuality is one of those ways.

I believe it’s a very complicated topic. I believe that people who identify as gay/lesbian/bi-sexual/transgendered have been hurt by society’s rejection of them. I believe they deserve respect and security as much as anyone else. They should not have to worry about walking anywhere, thinking they might be beaten. They should be able to have jobs. I do NOT believe they deserve special treatment, such as parades, or re-defining traditional meanings of words or institutions. I do believe that they have choices. I’m not sure how it works when one says they are a “gay Christian.” I do not believe that if they are actively engaging in a relationship, that they qualify for church leadership.

I am not saying I’m perfect. I’m not saying I’ve got it all together. These statements are often thrown back at anyone who speaks against living a homosexual lifestyle.

I do know that there is irony in how adamant folks who support “that” side are in their arguments – how they use strong language like “idiots” and “hate” and so-on – and yet were those of us on “this” side to use such words, we’d be immediately condemned as using “hate speech.” “They” want “us” to be open-minded, yet as soon as they find out what you think, they shut down. They listen long enough to find out if you think it’s ok or wrong, then they’re done listening.

I do NOT want my daughters growing up questioning whether or not they are really meant to marry a man, or my boys wondering if they’re really girls. It’s not natural. It’s weird. I want them to be who they were created to be!

I think that there is a falling of our nature, that we all have been born into sin, and unfortunately for some, the temptation of living a homosexual lifestyle latches on and wins. I’m not sure that I think they choose the feelings of attraction any more than a married man finds himself attracted to his secretary at work, but everyone is responsibly to make choices that follow the will of God. I do believe the will of God is for males to be male, and females to be female, and that they are to be joined in marriage to the opposite gender.

I do have a question that I have had brewing for quite some time. Can one believe that one is born a homosexual (genetically speaking), and also believe in evolution? I’ve never been able to get my head around that one. Cause it just doesn’t work.

Anyway, if anyone reading has any insights, please help. I know we are called to love. However, you can be loving, and still say something is sinful. That’s what Jesus did. Didn’t He always say, “Go, and sin no more,”? That shows me that He was loving by forgiving and healing the individuals, but He recognized that they were indeed sinning, and it needed to stop.

Tough topic.

It’s been a while, but here’s what we’ve been up to.

Said goodbye to this house, even though we haven’t sold it yet, or even gone on the market.

And we’ve said hello to this one.

This isn’t a great picture, and I’m hoping to take some soon. Just have to find my camera cord so I can recharge my battery.

The transition has been really good. We’re loving, absolutely LOVING, the extra space. The unpacking is ongoing and slow, but we’re here and it will get done.

Hoping to finish up at the other house this week, and get on the market. In the meantime, I’m also starting to think ahead a month, and get some plans for back to school.

One of the disadvantages about this move is that I’ve lost my designated school area. So we’re trying to figure out where that will be until we are able to make some changes. There is a woodshed just off the kitchen, and we’re planning to turn that into a school room. We’re hoping to be able to do that this fall, as it’s really one of my first priorities. Then we’ll figure out what’s next once we’ve got that settled.

There have been moments I wasn’t sure this was right for us. But now that we’re here, I know it is.

We are blessed!

Just a quick update.

We have been working into the night hours getting ready to move. Wow, do we own a lot of stuff! Not stuff you can just toss either, but not sure we really need it. Couple that with all the stuff my aging in-laws were too overwhelmed to deal with, and we have a recipe for LOTS OF WORK! I’m tired, but excited. I hope to get some pictures of our new place up soon, but for now, here is a shot of the side in the twilight – me and hubby happy and excited!

This is the side of the house, what you see from the road.

We’re SLOWLY getting the place ready to sell. I don’t know if I’m just totally inept, or if it’s valid to blame everything on my kids. It is soooo hard to clean, sort, organize, pack, paint, cook, launder clothes, educate children, manage business matters….and stay on top of it all. Who knew?

I’m *trying* not to flip out, and just trust. After reading another blog today, I realized how grateful I am to not also be attempting to potty train in the middle of this. Now that would push me over the edge, I’m sure.

We seem to be spending a fair amount of money on this whole moving thing – gosh, it’s expensive to sell a house! – and I’m not really sure where it’s all coming from. I guess if they repo our vehicle or shut off the power, that’ll tell me.

One of my biggest goals after moving is to re-vamp my schedule. Next year I will NOT be driving for the business, and I will be taking some time once a week to be by myself. Somehow. I want to focus on schooling more than I have this year (soooo thankful we’re still in elementary levels!), and also just on home-making. I know that’s where my heart is, and I look forward to finding my new rhythm in our new home.

On a quick note of concern, my mother-in-law was admitted early Monday evening with a strangulated hernia, causing a bowel obstruction. Please pray. She’s had surgery, and is recovering, but there are a few other issues that we need to see corrected. She hasn’t been getting proper nutrition due to this problem, so hopefully now that everything is back where it should be, that problem will go away. She will be 81 this September, but we need her around for many more years.