I have been thinking for a while, despite my uncooperative computer(s), that I would like to start a second blog.  I have a few things dear to my heart, and I would like to have a blog about homeschooling, and keep a separate blog for “those other things.”  It’s probably going to take me a while to get it going, but I will let you know when I do.  My biggest goal right now is to get on every day and actually post – you know, like I used to.  Well, for a while anyway.

Today is bright and sunny…and cold.  Winter is long with us, I’m afraid, and this week I have not been coping well with that reality. 

I AM, however, working on a few things to help combat the depression that haunts me.  I signed all the kids up for activities in the fall, when I felt more like getting out (though still it isn’t my favourite thing to do), so that I would have that commitment of leaving the house at least twice a week.  Monday and Thursday are the days we have taekwondo and dance classes.  I’m also still active with my band.  We are doing two concerts in the next week for Haiti. 

Also, a dear friend gave me a package to a weight-loss clinic in town.  I have been forbidden from using the word “diet”, because I am not dieting, I am becoming healthier.  Last weigh-in, after 2&1/2 weeks on the meal plan, saw me at a loss of 7&1/2 lbs.  I’m very happy with that.  Weight was never an issue for me until my last couple of babies.  I like having the accountability with Sherri, my coach, and she has provided a great plan, with delicious recipes.  I do believe I will be at my goal weight well before summer. 

Still waiting on news about the refinancing…hopefully by the end of the day tomorrow we will have an answer.  I don’t do waiting well. 

The weekend is near.  We have plans with a friend

Well, I haven’t update in forever.  We had a good Christmas, but man, when did Christmas become so hard (aptly spoken by Alicia!)?  I have this inner longing for it to be something it’s not.  And I don’t know what that is.  I’m not sure I’m ready for not doing gifts and decorations and all that.  But I don’t want to ignore this struggle that has grown over the past three years.  It’s like my heart is truly not in it.  And maybe that’s on purpose.  Maybe Someone is trying to get us to change what we do.  So we will seek the Lord and pray about it through the year this year…maybe it won’t be so hard next year, if we get a little guidance from HIM.

In other news, Cole is TEN.  How did that happen???  I am shocked that I am the mother of a child with an age in the double digits.  I still feel like I did when he was born.  Cole is awesome.  He’s creative and intelligent, funny with a wonderful sense of humour, compassionate and giving.  He spent his own money this year to buy gifts for a couple of people.  That is a huge step for him.  He is a great artist and I’m hoping this year that we might be able to get him some lessons.  Sometimes he’s unhappy with the role of eldest in the family, but he does it well, and we are very proud of him. 

We are still struggling financially, and trying to make some decisions.  Right now we are in the middle of trying to refinance, and if that doesn’t come through (I’m feeling very doubtful about it), we will really need to seriously consider selling.  Neither of us wants to think about it, but it isn’t the end of the world.  We can down-size our housing cost, and be fine.  It’s about being together.  When I think about the devastation around the world, the thought of losing our river-front home though sad to us, is really not a big deal.  Really. 

So, some time over the next week or so, we should have an answer.  And when we do, we’ll begin making decisions.  They will either be “fun” or difficult, but they will be made.

February is here, raging cold.  We had a MILD January, based on what January is usually like, and so we knew we’d likely make up for it in February.  Only seven more calendar weeks until spring.  I can do this!

Happy 6th birthday, Brett Joseph! You are an awesome and crucial part of our family. You are cheerful and sensitive, dramatic and funny, loud and tender. Your laugh is infectious. Your ability to tell a story rivals that of an “old-timer.” You make us smile every day. WE LOVE YOU!!!

And my weekend is almost over.  I had yesterday and today off from work.  I go to work tomorrow and will be on for the next few days.  It’s a fun place to work, but oh so exhausting.  The building is so hot every night, and between the heat and the 20 or so trips between the kitchen and your dining room….actually I’m thinking about it, and it’s probably more like 40.  Seriously.  You’ve probably hit 10 times just between the bread, soup, and drink service.   Exhausted just thinking about it. 

I am thankful though, that the money I make this year will buy our children a few things for Christmas, and more importantly, we’ll be able to make some very big orders for homeschool supplies. 

We’re in a difficult time financially, as many people are, and are just trying each day to do what we can to get to a place where we are debt-free, living frugally, and also able to give.  As I mentioned before, we have discussed the possibility of selling our house and either buying cheaper or renting.  We have discussed selling our business.  So many options, but nothing working out right now.  So we stay put and hang on.  What I WANT to do is put on a pair of flannel jammies, and go to bed til May.  Since I cannot do that, I will keep on going. 

Today my mother in law called with her annual request for suggestions for Christmas gifts for the kids.  Since they are also feeling the need to simplify, I requested help in purchasing a pool pass for the winter months.  The kids would so enjoy being able to go swimming a few times each week.  And I love the water, so I think I will enjoy it too.  Even when it’s -25 out. 

This does not feel like abundant living right now.  And I don’t mean just financially.  I feel like we are so under attack right now, and it’s a battle to just survive.  So many days, for me, it is a choice to have joy.  A choice to get up.  A choice to praise.  A choice to be thankful.  A choice to trust.  I do not like this stage of life we’re in right now.  I know how I want my days at home with my kids to be, and it’s just not happening.  The stress of our financial circumstances affects every area of life, and most days I want to sit and cry. 

 But I don’t.  We don’t.  We keep going.  Trying.  Walking.   Trusting.

Ok, well maybe that’s dramatic. It’s the end of November. Which means we are further and further away from my beloved summer. And closer and closer to the LOOOONG winter ahead. I think when it comes to winter I’m a glass half-empty gal, though my tendency in most other areas of life see me as a glass half-full sort of personality.

I am now working full-time at Kings Landing for the Christmas season. This is a huge challenge for me. The job itself is one that is fun – we dress in period costume, and serve guests by candle-light. So many satisified customers who truly enjoy their evening away in “1855″. However, it was never part of the plan for me to be working. We were content to be a single-income family. That has become very difficult. If we want to purchase homeschool supplies, birthday/Christmas gifts, and have money for things like fuel and groceries, it has become necessary for me to work. At one point, I was very critical of women like me. “Why don’t they just learn to live on a tighter budget?” What a horrible attitude I had. However, we have gone through a difficult time financially, mostly due to the dishonesty of our accountant (now former), and with the loss of contracts for five of our six vehicles. We have gone over EVERY scenario possible. Selling the business, hiring someone else to drive for us, so Greg can find work elsewhere (thinking behind this is we would have benefits), moving, putting the kids in school/daycare and me working full-time, selling our house and renting….The list is exhausted. For now, unless God directs otherwise, we are staying put, and I am working temporary full-time during the more critical times. Right now my employment will be specifically paying for Christmas and curriculum. Mostly I don’t mind, but there are times when I want to scream “It wasn’t supposed to be this way!” I so desperately just want to be able to put ALL of my energy into my husband, children and home. I am still struggling with depression, and the exhaustion from working and being wife/mom is hard.

So this sort of sounds like a whine, I suppose, but what I want it to be is a request for prayer. Please pray for me if you think of me.

I’ve been struggling lately with realizing that my oldest is almost ten, and how his young childhood is nearly past. Of course we want our children to grow, but did it have to happen so quickly???  Anyway, I was trying to think of something interesting for him to do, and was wondering if anyone has or knows of a boy around 8-11 years of age (Cole is 9), that would like to be a pen-pal.  I think it would be fun for them to do, and would also give us another fun project for school.  It would help with handwriting, grammar, creative writing, as well as a great way to study geography.  If you think of someone, let me know.  Maybe we can start off by sending a Christmas card. 

I used to love Christmas, and now I find that I just want to forget the whole thing.  So I’m trying to figure out a way to look forward to it again.  I don’t want to just say forget about it with gift-giving, but I sure wish we had more focus on Jesus, and less commercialism.  I have thought about possibly doing a Jesus-focused Christmas only, and having a Day of Giving around Epiphany.  This would give me almost two more weeks to shop, plus everything would be on sale, making it more tight budget-friendly.

So, these are my thoughts this morning.  Today I want to get my house in order again.  It’s rather fallen apart over the busyness of the past few days (I was in a musical on Saturday, and between that and work it’s been crazy.)  I’m *hoping* to start Christmas decorating tomorrow, and later this week, we’ll do some Christmas baking.

5 Minutes for Mom is hosting a Christmas Giveaway. To see the giveaways and enter, please click over. There are a few ways to enter, and several items being offered. Worth a look!

We are going to attempt to do the Jesse Tree this year.  We started off trying to do it before, but got sidetracked.  Depending on which guide or site or suggestion I use, it can take anywhere from 24-28 days before Christmas.  If we do the 28 days, that means I have to start on Friday.  I am hoping to order the iron-on transfers from a great site I found to make REAL ornaments next year.  For this year, I think we’ll just colour/draw some, and laminate them.  Haven’t decided for sure, but I think I might use a 1-D tree made with my kids handprint cutouts.  We’re short on space around here these days, and so whatever I can do that’s flat against the wall is probably best. 

Speaking of which, we had a flood in our basement in February.  A valve on the pressure tank let go.  We still haven’t finished the renos, and the first six and a half months were dealing with the insurance.  We finally got a settlement, but have gone through two people so far trying to finish the flooring.  So frustrating.  This has meant ALL five kids have been sharing a bedroom for nine months now.  As much as it’s not convenient, I realize I still have it much easier than our pioneer ancestors.  They usually had more children, less space, and of course lacked the modern conveniences of electricty, indoor plumbing, and all the wonderful appliances we enjoy like clothes washing machines, dishwashers, dryers, etc.  So, I will choose to be thankful that in the end, my basement will be beautiful and useable, aside from maybe a few hundred dollars, most of it will have been “free” to us.  The biggest expense?  Patience and gratitude for what I do have while being squished.    I am really excited though, as we have found someone we may be able to do some bartering with who fixes roofs, lays tile, does carpentry…I may have my basement finished by Christmas!  We’re excited at the thought of setting up a nice school area, play area/family room, and the boys back in their bedrooms.  After that, we are hoping to get started on renovating our attached two-car garage into bedrooms.  THAT will be wonderful when it is finished.   We have more plans for our house and property, and sometimes it’s hard to be patient to get it all done.  Fireplaces and additions and landscaping and verandahs and sun porches.  Ah well.  It’s fun to dream about it, and planning is half the fun.  Well, I’m not sure my husband would agree with that, but for someone who spends far too much time researching house plans, interior design, houseware stores and suppliers, and various topics related to improving your home, I LOVE the planning/sketching stage. 

Happy Thanksgiving to all of our American brothers and sisters!  If you take part in Black Friday, I admire/don’t understand you.    Happy celebrating either way.

Let’s all remember what we have to be thankful for.

We took our kids tonight to one of the Wesleyan churches in town to see The Donut Man.  We’ve actually never had an exposure to him or his ministry, but my brother’s family  has, so we were excited to go, hang out with them, and have fun learning more about Jesus. 

Instead we were entertained by Perley the Magician.  Don’t get me wrong.  Perley’s great.  He came last minute.  He kept the kids attention.  He made a lot of people laugh, and ooooo and aaaah over the tricks.  But he wasn’t The Donut Man.

Apparently, the airline bumped his flight, and he wouldn’t have arrived to start the concert until 10 pm.  Just too late.  My kids were ok.  A little disappointed.  As was my niece.  My nephew took the news very badly. 

We’re sorry we missed you, Donut Man.  We’re sorry that coming to our area usually results in drama for you as well.  We really do want to see you!  Maybe the fourth try will be the charm???

Hi, I’m BJ.  And I’m a non-blogging blogger.

There are those of us who have blogs who actually, ya know, BLOG.  Then there are those of us who just really make it sound good.  I was on such a great roll last year before the “Great Crash of ‘08″.  I was doing my weekly assignments with two great weekly memes.  I was updating regularly in between.  I was enjoying the therapeutic effect that writing has on me.  But after the computer crashed, and we went so long without one – ten months – and I lost my groove.  I have had very little motivation to pick it up again.  However, I know that I enjoy being able to look back and read through what I’ve written since I started blogging a while ago (circa 2002, I believe).  I haven’t been a great blogger, but I enjoy it.  I enjoy meeting people through blogging.  I enjoy events that are Bloggyville-wide.  I enjoy the comments folks leave.  As a stay at home mom, it’s one way get to socialize, and feel like I’m part of something more than my immediate 1400 sq. ft. universe.  If I have anyone hanging in there, thank you.  I still read most of my bloglines with regularity, but actually posting has obviously been a struggle. 

So, wish me well as I get ready, set, go again with this thing called blogging.

From my Facebook status…

I will give Thanks! Even when things don’t go the way I like. Even when painful circumstances present. Even when I feel lonely. For all that has been given me. For all that has been done for me. For an eternity secured in Christ. I will give Thanks! I won’t be preparing a Thanksgiving dinner this year, but I will be serving it to several hundred people at King’s Landing. Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!